good days bad days
I can relate to this.
All too familiar with all the things he had done or not done in his life, novelist Keiichiro Hirano had trouble accepting himself as a “good” or a “bad” person, until he realized that maybe he was a bit more complicated than that.
Such an amazing app - free too
Do not tell everyone your story. You will only end up feeling more rejected. People cannot give you what you long for in your heart. The more you expect from people’s response to your experience of abandonment, the more you will feel exposed to ridicule.
Henri J.M. Nouwen
lemminglover : I have heard of TF-CBT and know a little about it, but can you break down more about what it is and what kind of things you do in it?
Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT): Gradual exposure is included in all components to help children gain mastery in how to use skills when trauma reminders or cues occur. The components are:
- P – Psycho-education and parenting skills
- R – Relaxation techniques: Focused breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and teaching the child to control their thoughts (thought stopping).
- A – Affective expression and regulation: To help the child and parent learn to control their emotional reaction to reminders by expanding their emotional vocabulary, enhancing their skills in identification and expression of emotions, and encouraging self-soothing activities
- C – Cognitive coping: Through this component, the child learns to understand the relationships between thoughts, feelings and behaviors and think in new and healthier ways.
- T – Trauma narrativeand processing: Gradual exposure exercises including verbal, written and/or symbolic recounting (i.e., utilizing dolls, art, puppets, etc.) of traumatic event(s) so the child learns to be able to discuss the events when they choose in ways that do not produce overwhelming emotions. Following the completion of the narrative, clients are supported in identifying, challenging and correcting cognitive distortions and dysfunctional beliefs.
- I – In vivo exposure: Encourage the gradual exposure to innocuous (harmless) trauma reminders in child’s environment (e.g., basement, darkness, school, etc.) so the child learns they can control their emotional reactions to things that remind them of the trauma, starting with non-threatening examples of reminders.
- C – Conjoint parent/child sessions: Held typically toward the end of the treatment, but maybe initiated earlier when children have significant behavior problems so parents can be coached in the use of behavior management skills. Sessions generally deal with psycho-education, sharing the trauma narrative, anxiety management, and correction of cognitive distortions. The family works to enhance communication and create opportunities for therapeutic discussion regarding the trauma.
- E – Enhancing personal safety and future growth: Provide training and education with respect to personal safety skills and healthy sexuality/ interpersonal relationships; encourage the utilization of skills learned in managing future stressors and/or trauma reminders.
According to a great deal of research, positive fantasies may lessen your chances of succeeding. In one experiment, the social psychologists Gabriele Oettingen and Doris Mayer asked 83 German students to rate the extent to which they “experienced positive thoughts, images, or fantasies on the subject of transition into work life, graduating from university, looking for and finding a job.” Two years later, they approached the same students and asked about their post-college job experiences. Those who harbored positive fantasies put in fewer job applications, received fewer job offers, and ultimately earned lower salaries. The same was true in other contexts, too. Students who fantasized were less likely to ask their romantic crushes on a date and more likely to struggle academically. Hip-surgery patients also recovered more slowly when they dwelled on positive fantasies of walking without pain…
Fantasies hamper progress [because] they dull the will to succeed: “Imagining a positive outcome conveys the sense that you’re approaching your goals, which takes the edge off the need to achieve.”
The negative side of positive thinking.
Pair with similar wisdom from The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can’t Stand Positive Thinking.